Dana and I have been watching a little Olympics here & there. But the only way to watch is with a Tivo. I mean come on, 5-7 hours a day? Twice as long as a football game? How many high dives can one person watch? Anyway, a lot of it is fairly watchable. My favorite moments thus far have been:
· Listening to sour grapes Mark Spitz, who had 7 gold medals back in the 70's, talk about how he and Phelps would have tied in a swimming contest – even though Phelps is breaking world records
· 12 year-old Chinese girls posing as 16 year-old Chinese girls
· Track stars tripping on hurdles, pulling muscles, or dropping batons after 4+ years of hard work and preparation
· The US and Chinese baseball teams trying to start World War III
I guess I'm not your traditional Olympics fan. One of the things that I haven't figured out yet with the Summer Olympics is: what kind of an event is it? Is it an athletic event? A cultural event? Nothing more than a long, loosely choreographed show? I think it's kind of all of the above, and the word I would use is festival. It's a performance art festival. And contest. When you scan the events, the only thing in common appears to be that they are all contests. A large number of the events are not even sports as much as they are performance art that's judged in order to get a winner. I have a fundamental problem with any "sport" that's judged, and for that matter I find Table Tennis to be superior to, say, Syncronized Diving. And then there's Rhythmic Gymnastics?
Can we all just admit that the dancing and synchronized events are there to attract the American Idol/So You Think You Can Dance audience? And for that matter, why isn't singing a Summer Olympic event? Why not Darts? Rock/Paper/Scissors?
Here is my wish list for the 2012 Summer Olympics (feel free to add to this list):
· Fencing that doesn't stop after each point – let them keep sparring, like a boxing match. Go for 3 minutes at a time, hacking away at eachother. Winner gets the most hits in. Oh, and let's take off the bee costumes and wear more traditional or medieval outfits, a-la Pricess Bride. But with blunt rapiers, of course. In fact, why not combine gymanstics WITH fencing?....Fenctastics!
· Bullfighting. Seriously, who wouldn't want to watch a Jamaican dressed up as a Matador? Or a red-headed Irishman? I think this could sell on PPV.
· Chess Boxing
In case you haven't heard, it's a growing sport. And if we're doing a Pentathlon, don't tell me Chess Boxing isn't right in the same alley.