Commentary on the Olympics, from the Mr.

Dana and I have been watching a little Olympics here & there. But the only way to watch is with a Tivo. I mean come on, 5-7 hours a day? Twice as long as a football game? How many high dives can one person watch? Anyway, a lot of it is fairly watchable. My favorite moments thus far have been:
· Listening to sour grapes Mark Spitz, who had 7 gold medals back in the 70's, talk about how he and Phelps would have tied in a swimming contest – even though Phelps is breaking world records
· 12 year-old Chinese girls posing as 16 year-old Chinese girls
· Track stars tripping on hurdles, pulling muscles, or dropping batons after 4+ years of hard work and preparation
· The US and Chinese baseball teams trying to start World War III
I guess I'm not your traditional Olympics fan. One of the things that I haven't figured out yet with the Summer Olympics is: what kind of an event is it? Is it an athletic event? A cultural event? Nothing more than a long, loosely choreographed show? I think it's kind of all of the above, and the word I would use is festival. It's a performance art festival. And contest. When you scan the events, the only thing in common appears to be that they are all contests. A large number of the events are not even sports as much as they are performance art that's judged in order to get a winner. I have a fundamental problem with any "sport" that's judged, and for that matter I find Table Tennis to be superior to, say, Syncronized Diving. And then there's Rhythmic Gymnastics?

Can we all just admit that the dancing and synchronized events are there to attract the American Idol/So You Think You Can Dance audience? And for that matter, why isn't singing a Summer Olympic event? Why not Darts? Rock/Paper/Scissors?

Here is my wish list for the 2012 Summer Olympics (feel free to add to this list):
· Fencing that doesn't stop after each point – let them keep sparring, like a boxing match. Go for 3 minutes at a time, hacking away at eachother. Winner gets the most hits in. Oh, and let's take off the bee costumes and wear more traditional or medieval outfits, a-la Pricess Bride. But with blunt rapiers, of course. In fact, why not combine gymanstics WITH fencing?....Fenctastics!
· Bullfighting. Seriously, who wouldn't want to watch a Jamaican dressed up as a Matador? Or a red-headed Irishman? I think this could sell on PPV.
· Chess Boxing
In case you haven't heard, it's a growing sport. And if we're doing a Pentathlon, don't tell me Chess Boxing isn't right in the same alley.

· Arm westling – as long as every contestant dresses up like SeaBass
That's all. Bring on the NFL season already.


Connie said...

Casey, you are so funny. I have to agree with you on the rhythmic gymnastics. And I think your ideas for new sports are great, especially the fenctastics and bull fighting! So funny! You should start a blog like mormonhusbands.blogspot!

Lexie & Sharrid said...

casey, come, come now, I thought you were more cultured than that! Dana's always bragging about how you love to try anything, including sports...what! And all this time I thought you were so well rounded,...hhmmmpphh!

Jessica said...

Hilarious. This is totally like a post Dave would write. Contribute more often Casey, your thoughts are very welcome!! :)

Nicole said...

All I have to say is...How 'bout those speed walkers eh? I mean come on Case, give them credit where credit is due. Or is that a whole other post in itself?!?

lyndsey said...

haha great recap casey. brandon would fully agree on all points i'm sure. and yes, i too can't wait for REAL sports like football :)

Camille said...

You've got some valid points there. I don't know if it's rhythmic gymnastics or not, but I was watching one of the gymnastics events and the girls were on the balance beam doing cartwheels and things that were amazing and then they would pause to do some dramatic dance move......and then back to the athletics. I remember thinking that it was such a random combo and totally unnecessary to add the dance moves. And that goes for the floor routine as well!! Let's just see the flips and things and leave the drama to the theater!

Casey said...

Thanks to all for the compliments! I'll try to make more appearances now that school is slowing down.

A few things:

Lexie - sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just another one of those guys who pretended to like musicals and plays while I was dating my wife. Pass the Cheetos.

Nicole - I believe the Power Walking competition is meant to draw in viewers seeking comedy. The Olympics has something for everyone.

Camille - I believe that was just regular gymnastics you were watching. You'd have to find out from a judge whether any of that flourishing has any value in scoring. I think they're just trying to make gymnastics be the "Figure Skating" event of the Summer Games. Seems to be a success, NBC made Nastia Liuken be this year's Sara Hughes.

Saunja said...

Yes, Dennis and I had many of the same thoughts you expressed, Casey. Come on, these track stars are out of breath at the end of their race? Dropping batons? Isn't that sort-of a basic in relay races?...DON'T drop the baton! And the whole Mark Spitz interview was gagging.

Nicole said...

This is Jeff

Here's the thing. I think the Olympics is basically sports for women.

Think about it. Here's the basis of my argument:

1. It only comes around every 4 years, or 2 if count winter. Either way it lets women scratch their itch when it comes to sports, and then it gives them a nice long break to refocus on chicky stuff.

2. The biggest events are always the ones beloved by female audiences. Gymnastics: cool, but kind of a chick sport, at least from a spectator point of view. In the winter, the biggest event is figure skating. That's more like watching dancing with the stars than it is like watching a sporting event. Most of the athletes in Gymnastics and figure skating are either A: Women or B: kinda chicky dudes, little with soft voices.

3. The Olympics in contrast has at least 3 winners in each event. In real sports or, man sports if you will, there's always ONE winner and then the rest are losers. The New England Patriots had a phenomenal year last year, but they lost the Super Bowl, and are still technically losers.

4. Lots and lots and lots of feel good stories.

5. The Opening and Closing ceremonies, enough said.

6. Rhythmic Gymnastics? (seriously?)

7. Synchronized anything speaks volumes.

I rest my case, Sports for women.

And now it's over just in time for real sports to pick up again.

Connie said...

Jeff- Hahahaha! Very convincing arguments. I think I have to agree with you. Man, you guys are too funny. I seriously could listen to you guys go off on this stuff forever!

Casey said...

I have to say one thing after reading Jeff's comments. That USA/Spain gold medal basketball game was the best single game I have seen since the Super Bowl in January. Kobe & co. stood up and went all-in to get the gold back for the USA. Our guys cared about it, cared about the other events taking place, and showed a lot of pride. So you know, big ups & stuff. And I think it carries more weight than just about any other medal that was won. Why? Because basketball is being played by every kid all over the US, and is probably the world's #2 sport behind soccer. Those NBA guys could have been sprinters, swimmers, divers, etc. But they chose basketball. Those sprinters/divers/swimmers on the other hand, couldn't have played in the NBA or NFL - or they would be now.

Lettie said...

Ok, I loved this post. If it weren't funny on its own, the photo of Sea Bass would have made it so.

Gunderstruck! said...

I read this post out loud to my husband Jake, who laughed especially hard at the chess boxing. At the end he said, "I bet Casey really gets into fantasy football, because he apparently likes NFL football. Oh, and he's a statistician."

Becky said...

You guys are too funny! But, come on, didn't you at least enjoy the beach volleyball? I must admit it was my favorite part, although the women's "uniforms" were pretty distracting. I mean how did they actually play in those things?!

Kevin and Vicki said...

Casey, I laughed pretty hard...
nice post!(kevin)
I want to know why there are no moving targets on the javilin throw...
seriously if you were going to throwing farther than anyone else doesn't mean much. I'd like to see the rhythmic gymnasts duel each other with the ribbon whips.
gotta go...american gladiator is on!